I Won The Popular Vote, So Why Are We Doing What Kendra Wants Tonight?

My six best friends and I do everything together, and we always make sure that when we are making plans for the weekend, everyone’s voice is heard. We lay out all of our options, take a standard vote with raised hands, then we count the hands, and then we decide what we are doing.


So, why, if I won the popular vote this evening, are we doing what freaking Kendra wants tonight?!


I’m not trying to be undemocratic, but this whole situation is bullshit. It all started with the complicated yet historically necessary system through which we filter the hand-raised votes. I personally think this system, which takes into account how far certain girls in the group have had to drive to make it to Alexis’ house where we touch base, is totally outdated. But it was passed down from our mothers’ friend group, from their mothers’ friend group, and so on. So really, we can’t change it because we can all agree it would be, like, a whole thing.


Fucking Kendra comes into NYC from Hoboken so technically she is traveling the farthest to be with the girls, but she does NOT use her given powers for good! Can’t you see that more people want to do what I want to do because um, hi, that’s how democracy works?


Tonight I wanted to go see Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them, which I heard is bad but it’s Harry Potter so we have to go! All of a sudden, Kendra suggests we stay in and rent the movie White Chicks starring the Wayans Brothers. Like, what?! It’s fun but it shouldn’t be what we do with our WHOLE NIGHT! It’s not like even 50 percent of the people in the room wanted to watch White Chicks. Like, what the fuck, this is 2016, people!!



Despite my 4 to 2 victory, we’re still watching White Chicks just because Kendra was able to procure a vote from Sam, who is a total swing vote and SO annoying when it comes to this shit. She’s so negative and is always taking about how she’d rather be at “another party.” Well, she’s not at “another party” and there are two fucking options for tonight! One makes sense and one is White Chicks. Do I live in a country where Kendra just gets to do whatever she wants?


Despite my frustration with the system and the fact that I have been tirelessly campaigning to see Fantastic Beasts for months since I saw the trailer, people are telling me I have to accept this. It doesn’t matter what was “supposed” to happen tonight. It doesn’t matter that Kendra is literally dumb—like, seriously, one time I saw her eat one of her own socks. She is our friend and she comes in from Hoboken and the voting system is what it is. But if the popular vote doesn’t even matter, what the eff did I even win?


Also, maybe White Chicks will not be THAT terrible— oh, who am I kidding? We’re all so fucked.