I Just Want Quarantine to be Over so I Can Go Back to Sucking Froyo Directly Out of the Machine

We’ve all been doing our best in these difficult times. I’ve been dutifully quarantining in my home for months, only going out for shopping trips and small gatherings in the park. But I think we can all agree that we’re longing for a sense of normalcy in our lives again. I miss the days when I could walk into a crowded bar and see my friends, go see a movie, or relish in the feeling of sucking strawberry froyo directly out of the machine for hours at a time. You know, simple things we all used to do.


I’m sure that’s something we’re all feeling in these difficult times.


Sometimes I think back to March, where I was freely sucking down pint after pint of direct-to-mouth froyo without even thinking who else could have been sucking on these tubes right before me. It’s insane to think of how much I was at risk for catching COVID-19. In some ways, I feel so lucky, but am so ready for this all to be over so I can get right back to it with absolutely no changes in my behavior whatsoever.



We may have been hit with different challenges in quarantine, but in some ways, we’re all suffering. One thing is for sure: We all can’t wait for this to be over so we can all go back to our daily habit of sucking up as much froyo as we want without paying for any of it, eventually putting the entire company out of business. Sadly, now we have to watch so many businesses close for other reasons.


I know that we’re all ready for quarantine to be over so we can get back to the somewhat unsanitary behaviors we once enjoyed – kissing a stranger at a bar, sharing meals with strangers, having unprotected sex with strangers, then going back and forth under the froyo machine to see how much froyo you can fit in your mouth with anyone willing to compete. And yes, of course, it was always kind of a sex thing. These are just the simple things we all once relished in life.


While I’m so glad that quarantine has made me question my consumerist behavior and learn to enjoy the simpler things in life, I’m praying we take those lessons with us into the future as we return to normal (I used to pay for my froyo sometimes, now I will refuse to pay for it at all. This is also a sex thing). I hope our greatest scientists can help us get there soon!