In a story emerging from an indie rock concert in Brooklyn, NY, 23-year-old Paris Monroe was heard loudly proclaiming, “I should go to more concerts!” even though she literally does not have enough money to fully furnish her home.
“I’ve lived in my current apartment for about two years now, and I keep telling myself that I’ll furnish it once I get a really well-paying job,” she told reporters gathered at the scene. “Unrelatedly, this concert is awesome! I should totally go to more concerts!”
Sources confirm both concerts and furniture cost money, but it is clear where Paris’ priorities lie.
“I just think it’s so much more worth it to spend money on experiences,” she continued, even though she has never “experienced” writing on a desk that wasn’t pulled off the street. “It’s so obvious to me that this is what I’m meant to be doing with my youth.”
Sources close to Paris have confirmed she once said she was adopting minimalism “strictly for financial purposes.”
“Every month, Paris’ credit card bill is about 90% of the amount available in her checking account,” said Paris’ best friend and roommate, Brandon Hammons. “All things considered, she simply does not have enough money to invest in an area rug.”
That being said, Paris currently intends to invest in tickets to see Chappell Roan, Megan Thee Stallion, and the concert she’s currently at one more time.
She’s even considering getting additional tickets for her friends so they could all see more concerts together: “There’s nothing I’d like to give my friends more than an amazing night out on the town,” she said, even though her friends have expressed – multiple times – that they would much rather have a spare blanket to use when they sleep over at her house.
“I don’t think there’s a feeling on earth that could compare to this,” she finished, swaying to the bass. Scientists have confirmed that the feeling she’s describing is akin to buying the perfect bed sheet set to match the eclectic art collection decorating your space, but that’s not something Paris could fathom.
As of press time, Paris has bought four more concert tickets, almost as if she didn’t spend a whole year sleeping on a thin mat – which she reframed as “trying out floor-sleeping for my back” – because she couldn’t afford a bed frame.
