As someone who’s been through a lot of therapy and read a lot of tweets, I know that healing isn’t linear. In fact, it’s one of my favorite phrases to pull out when a friend is going through a tough time. So, when my situationship of two months, Mark, broke things off with me, I immediately knew which phrase to write on a Post-It note and stick to my mirror. Imagine my surprise, then, when I slowly came to realize that my healing process has – against all odds – been linear.
Specifically, it has been a line straight to the bottom.
At the start of my healing process, I was actually pretty good! I mean, a two-month situationship is kind of nothing in today’s terms, and I barely even liked the guy. A couple nights out with my girls and I was feeling amazing again. I started saying things like, “Losing my mind over a man? Honey, I’d rather die,” then laughing and laughing and laughing.
But as time passed and the breakup sunk in, I started to overthink, as I am wont to do. Before long, I became convinced that it was my moral responsibility to identify every flaw that would make Mark not want to play mind games with me anymore. Am I not good enough for mind games? Say it to my face!
I had never really cared about checking his social media when we were together because, as I mentioned, I didn’t care much for the man, but after our breakup, I found myself stalking it endlessly. I would check his tagged photos and investigate every single girl he was with, most of whom were just his sisters. He has many, many sisters. By this point, I had stopped sleeping.
Before I knew it, my every thought was consumed with Mark. Wake up. Think of Mark. Breakfast. Think of Mark. Text Jake (new guy). Wonder about Mark, specifically whether Mark was wondering about me. The word “Mark” was uttered so often in my subconscious that it started to lose all meaning, like when you say “elevator” enough times that it starts to sound weird. My healing journey – or rather my descent into madness – had actually been surprisingly linear, and I was reaching its natural conclusion: texting Mark.
Luckily, before I could do this, my friends staged an intervention. They reminded me that Mark was unemployed and Republican – surprising combo – and didn’t really shower. That did the trick!
