Every visit to the gynecologist is a test of your confidence. It’s an extremely vulnerable place to be – completely naked, socks on, coochie to the sky – and the only saving grace is that you can rest assured the nurses and doctors see nonstop vag all day, so nothing should surprise them. At least, that used to be a comfort to me until today. I was mid-exam, cervix exposed, when I saw with horror that my gynecologist was making a face.
Okay, what the hell? Stop making a face at my cooter! It’s normal! Right?
It is normal, right? Is it normal?
Considering the sheer amount of vageen my gyno sees on a day-to-day basis and the fact that she was probably specifically trained not to make clients feel embarrassed, I could only assume things must have been dire. I had been feeling a little discomfort down there – prompting the visit – but nothing could have justified the face she made when she looked under my sheet.
First, it was a wince. Then, a little gasp. Then, she tried to play it off as a sneeze, which is crazy because neither of those things are remotely related to the normal sneezing process. The damage was done.
What could have possibly shaken her like this? Is something wrong? Something must be wrong, right? Oh, god, is it terminal? The seconds were passing so slowly and the vision of her making a face was burned into my brain.
“What is it? I’m so sorry,” I said, clearly keeping things chill and cool. “Am I dying? Is it bad? That’s not mine!”
This last part didn’t really make sense, but I was grasping at straws. My gynecologist refused to acknowledge that she’d made a face and decided to keep going with the assessment, but things only got worse when she started my internal exam and made a face again, this time more horror than surprise.
What in my canal could possibly be prompting this reaction? My mind was running wild, and my coochie was a little cold. I finally covered up, and I could have sworn my gynecologist breathed a sigh of relief as I put that thing away. It honestly felt a little rude.
Anyway, turns out I have been walking around with several external cysts and some absolutely massive fibroids, for which there appears to be no treatment. The more you know!
