Early in our relationship, my boyfriend and I experienced the worst nightmare that can happen as a couple. We don’t really talk about it anymore, but if it comes up, we face it head-on:
I double-texted him. And somehow, he loved me through it.
People always assume that me and Josh are this perfect couple that never fights or has any problems, which honestly made the whole situation even harder to deal with. That time of my life is a bit of a blur at this point, but I’ll recount it as best I can.
It was a Friday afternoon, and we were going to my friend Emma’s party that night. I was going to go straight from work so I figured I’d text him to let him know. But he didn’t respond for over two hours.
Without even thinking, I texted him again: “Hello? Lmk ur ETA!”
If I could fly like Superman around the world and turn back time, I would go back to this moment and do it all over. I’ve replayed it in my mind so many times that it almost feels like it happened to someone else; like it’s a movie I saw. But it wasn’t a movie. It was real.
As soon as it was too late, I realized what I’d done: I had double-texted my boyfriend.
Looking back, I can’t believe I was the perpetrator of so much pain to somebody. I cringe when I relive all of the details. To force two gray bubbles onto his screen, in a row, one right after the other? I can’t believe I was so selfish.
At first, I made the mistake of blaming other people, like Emma for having a party in the first place, or bars for having happy hour so early after work, or Alexander Graham Bell for inventing phones. The truth is, it was never about Emma’s party, or what time we were getting there. It was about me. I put my partner in the position of feeling like he was dealing with a crazy girl who couldn’t take the hint she’d been ghosted. I put myself in the position of feeling like I was back in college, trying to get Taylor to see me as GF material. The amount of hurt was breathtaking.
I’m not going to sugarcoat this. It was hard. There were times when we didn’t think we’d make it, when I was caught between wanting to apologize and not wanting to send a third text. I still feel guilty. We still hit our rough patches. But our connection is stronger than all of it.
I’m embarrassed to be writing this today, but I’m also proud. We’ve come so far since then, and through therapy, I’ve learned so much about what an obnoxious, nagging weirdo I can be.
We’ve now been dating for almost four years. I’m just so lucky to have an amazing guy who can put up with someone as imperfect as I am, with my tendency to want balance in our communications. He’s a real catch, and I try to never forget that. How could any guy possibly be expected to handle me and my unbearable need to communicate? I really lucked out.
It’s something so many people only hear about. But it’s happening behind closed doors, all around us. Even some of your closest, dearest friends have likely double-texted their significant other. Few will talk about it. But sometimes we have urges that we can’t control. Sometimes things happen in the heat of the moment. Sometimes we send one text after sending another text.
It doesn’t matter how strong a relationship may be; double-texting is seen by many Americans as an unforgivable trespass. To those people I would say: Good luck when it happens to you.
