I Achieved the Perfect Bubble Butt and Now I’m Flying Around the Gym Like a Loose Balloon

I take fitness very seriously, even though I mainly just work out to make my butt bigger. Yesterday, I finally got to my goal of getting a perfect bubble butt, but now I’m flying around the gym like a loose balloon.


Could somebody please grab me once I slow down a bit?


No one tells you the dangers of getting a perfect bubble butt, and I personally had to find out the hard way. That’s why I’m now writing this article by the cement rafters of this 24 Hour Fitness so that no one will have to go through what just happened to me.


As soon as I hit 50 weighted squats, I noticed that I started feeling lighter. At first, I thought that it was just the euphoria of my rushing endorphins, but when I felt my feet lifting off the ground, I realized that I had just achieved a perfect bubble butt and that I wouldn’t be able to feel Earth’s gravity the same way ever again.


Other people at my gym have told me that if I just stop working out and chill on the ceiling for a while, that I’ll eventually lower to the ground. But why would I want that?



Everyone’s obviously just jealous of my perfect, circular ass, and I’m going to maintain it by doing even more squats and lunges while upside down on this ceiling. This is just the cost of having a perfect butt.


Sure, I may be floating around like untied balloon at a Party City, but my ass still looks amazing.


Even though no one can really see my bubble butt while I’m floating around this gym, and I can’t really take pictures for Instagram (the lighting is so bad up here), I’m still so proud of myself for finally reaching my fitness goal.


People tried to throw one of those cross fit ropes up to me so I could grab it and be pulled back down, but it didn’t work, so now everyone’s decided I should just stay up here as an aspirational gym mascot, and my ass and I love that for us!


Now that I’ve achieved the perfect bubble butt, I think I’ll focus on my abs next, even though getting a perfect six-pack will likely turn my stomach into PBR.


The grind never stops!