In a surprising story out of New Haven, CT, 29-year old Nate Miller has taken it upon himself to grow out a new beard, and sources report that it suits him really well, actually.
According to Nate, all the responses to his new beard have been almost exactly identical: initial surprise, a slow re-scan of his full face, little murmurs of approval, and then finally, “Huh! Looking good, Nate. I had no idea!”
Apparently, Nate began thinking about a beard when he recently saw a bearded man guest-starring on his favorite podcast.
“He was like a Russian boxer or something. I was like, I could probably pull it off too,” Nate told us. “When I texted my girlfriend that, she just replied ‘lmao’ and sent 3 shrug emojis, so I decided to give it a shot!”
Little did he know, Nate was embarking on a personal transformation that would make everyone in his life raise their eyebrows, nod a couple times, and think to themselves, “Hmm! Yeah, not half bad.”
“When he told me he was trying this beard thing, I was honestly a little doubtful,” said Chris, Nate’s older brother. “Nate has a history of experimenting with looks he sees on men who could whoop his ass.”
“But yeah, I gotta hand it to him,” Chris continued. “It looks pretty good. Much better than his man-bun era. Maybe I should grow a beard.”
With those few inches of newly hairy surface area on Nate’s face, it now looks like it’s been years since he has last touched a video game, and could even be depended upon to share in child-rearing responsibilities.
“My doorman gave me a thumbs-up and eyebrow-raise combo this week,” said Nate. “And when I go jogging in the park, I’m starting to notice these little glances from women with baby strollers. Weird.”
“His ride-ability score has definitely seen an uptick,” said an anonymous expert, when asked to comment on Nate’s newfound facial attractiveness. “But we’ll have to see how he handles the next couple of weeks, because his maintenance of the beard is going to be the decisive factor in where it goes from here.”
“Plenty of evidence suggests Nate could truly become the new neighborhood DILF-to-be,” the expert said. “Or things could get a little, y’know, tufty.”