How To Wish Your Ex Happy Birthday Because It’s So Important He Hears That Message

It’s your ex’s birthday, and whether it ended amicably or whether he found another dude fucking you in his bed, it’s time to wish him a happy birthday. It is very important he knows you want his birthday to be a happy one, because he obviously still loves you and thinks about you all the time I mean, right? Here’s how to go about wishing your ex a very happy birthday, because if he doesn’t hear this message, there is no way his birthday has any chance of being happy.


Text Him At 12:01 AM

This proves that you are thinking about him, and sets an awesome tone to his day. He’ll be put at ease by this very obviously premeditated early morning text. Once he sees it, he’ll smile, then fall asleep peacefully without seeing the image of you fucking his best friend as soon as he closes his eyes. It’s of utmost importance that the first thing he sees on his birthday is your ‘happy birthday’ text, because that is the only way to ensure that he actually does have a happy birthday. Otherwise you didn’t do your job right as ex-girlfriend!


Send Him a #TBT Pic of The Two Of You

This is the most obvious way to wish him a happy b-day. When he sees a pic of you guys cuddling in bed, he’ll remember the love you used to share, and finally, he’ll feel at peace. Everybody knows when you see a picture of yourself being happy in the past, it makes you feel super happy in the present. Way to set him up for the happiest birthday of his life!! #TBT to the love and joy that’s dead now because of you!!!



Show Up To His Bar Night

Even though you weren’t invited on Facebook, the nicest way to wish someone a ‘happy birthday’ is to say it in person, right? Right! That’s why showing up to his bar night is extremely sweet, and won’t send him spiraling back into the deep depression he’s been slowly coming out of for the last year. Wear something cute, hug him, whisper ‘happy birthday’ softly in his ear. Then just walk out of the bar. OH HAPPY DAY, FOR YOU BOTH!!!



If he blocked your number because you make him so happy he doesn’t feel like it’s fair, the only reasonable way to wish him the happiest day is to hire a plane to skywrite it. He’ll be so ecstatic when he sees “happy birthday” written across the sky, he’ll dance and sing and finally stop moping around because you broke his heart and are now married to his best friend who just happens to be his brother! You should get a trophy for being such a good ex!


If he starts to cry at any point, don’t worry, tears are usually what happens when he is happy and having the best birthday of his life! Good job being an ex!