How to Use the Bathroom at Someone Else’s House Without Asking if They Have One

So, you’re having a great time at a friend’s house but then you’re struck by the unshakeable urge to piss. Don’t panic! There must be a bathroom around here somewhere, right? Or is there? No, there definitely is, and asking whether your friend “has a bathroom” will probably make you look like an idiot. Here’s how you can use the bathroom at someone else’s house without ever asking if they have one, because of course they do.


Stop and think.

Before you ask your friend if they have a bathroom, think: Has a house ever been constructed without a bathroom? If your friend is living here, wouldn’t it be natural to assume they have access to a private commode, not a public one at a nearby shop? And if they don’t have a bathroom, don’t you think that’d be the first thing they’d mention? For example, they might say: “Isn’t it batshit insane that our living residence doesn’t have a single bathroom? I want a refund! A home without a bathroom? What is this, Sims 3?” If they haven’t said that, odds are they have a fucking bathroom. Now it’s just a matter of finding it!


Use your fucking eyes.

As one of our five main senses, sight is an important indicator of whether a house has a bathroom. So, before you make a fool of yourself by asking whether there is a bathroom at all, take a quick look around. Are there any mysterious doors that don’t appear to lead to a bedroom? Is there a door off the hallway that appears to lead to a smaller space than the others? Huh! Odds are that’s the bathroom you’re looking for! Look at that – we didn’t even have to interrupt the hang!


Ask yourself: Am I comfortable looking like a fool?

If the answer is yes, ask away! If the answer is no, return to step two.

Ask, “Where is the bathroom?” instead.

There is definitely a bathroom. The question you’re looking for is, “Where is the bathroom?” because that’s a reasonable inquiry. Look at us, using our brains to come to logical conclusions! Enjoy peeing, big guy. You’ve earned it!


After you’ve taken all of these steps, it is likely that you’ve already peed your pants. But hey! At least it’s not nearly as embarrassing as it would have been to ask your friend whether they have a bathroom in a two bedroom, one bathroom apartment!