How to Teach Your Dog That She Is In Control of Her Own Body

Today’s dogs are the product of a long history of repression. Taught to sit, lie down, and stay at their owners’ heels, dogs often lose their innate sense of confidence as they come of age. Raising a dog to be not only an educated and disciplined dog, but also a strong, self-assured one, is one of the hardest challenges a dog owner can ever face. Here’s how to let your pup know she’s a strong-ass Babe In Total Control of Herself.


Encourage Her to Fend Off Any Unwanted Petting

Inevitably, someone will approach your dog for a pet, or a noogie, or a face-scrunch, and your dog might not be on board for this activity. When that happens, your canine friend needs to know how to stand her ground. Show her you have her back by tugging at her leash and saying, “We don’t need this” when some dumbass at the coffee shop wants to touch her head. Hands off! Respect the bodily autonomy of female dogs!


Remember: Dog Toplessness Is Legal

Without meaning to offend or assume, you or someone else will try to put your dog in a glittery sweater, a pair of Roveralls, or funny cowboy hat. And rather than resist by scratching or body-shaking, your pooch will probably end up just accepting the torture because that’s what she was TRAINED to do, which is total bullshit. Let her go topless in public, because that is totally allowed now! Free all eight nipples!



Teach Her to Respect Authority, But Not Totally Roll Over

Your dog is not always going to agree with the people giving her orders. Withdrawing a biscuit until a “BANG!” is fulfilled is an unfair thing to do to anyone. You wouldn’t interrupt the president with a “SIT!” would you? Instead of simple, terse commands, make them more complex and respectful: “Hey Milly, it’d be dope if you could sit right now, but if you need to do you and pull on this leash for awhile, it’s cool.”


Nothing can stop your dog from loving herself—no person, no squirrel, and no other dog. Don’t let your pup be a pushover. And if that means baring a few teeth, so be it. The world is a scary place, and you’ve gotta be a tough-ass bitch to handle it.