You haven’t got anything going on this weekend, but that shouldn’t deter you from pretending you prefer it that way! After all, there’s a kind of poetry in having nothing to do on a Saturday night as you watch Stacy’s hilarious karaoke Snapchats with the friend you introduced her to, right? Right? Well, here’s how to turn your lack of social plans into a smug kind of introversion with these four tips:
Transform Your Room Into a Shrine To Loneliness
Light a candle, pour that glass of wine you had hoped you’d be sharing with friends, grab a couple books you probably won’t read, and throw on some legwarmers and a negligee. Look at how alone you are! Take a picture and caption it “Those who walk alone are likely to find themselves in places no one has ever been before.” Having a friend nearby would merely be a blotch on your beautifully lonely Instagram aesthetic.
Remember That This Is a Personal Choice
Don’t let the fact that if someone asked you to go out tonight, you would absolutely go deter you; you have isolated yourself by choice. You are the heroine of the melancholy, the star of a Noah Baumbach movie, a hot Emily Dickinson, a free-spirited loungewear goddess. Greta Gerwig probably spends nights like this all the time!
Embrace the Penetrating Silence
There’s so much noise in the modern world—cell phones buzzing asking what you’re up to tonight, friends yammering about how much fun they’re having, noisy Gilmore Girls marathons with your best gal pals. Tonight, and maybe the next few nights, it’s just you and your thoughts, which are definitely not about what your ex is up to this weekend. So peaceful. So magnificently alone.
When Someone Asks You How Your Weekend Was, Say, “It Was Pretty Low-Key, Which Is Exactly What I Needed”
It’s important to act like everyone else’s fun activities would have been too much for your introverted little soul to take. Remember: It’s not about why they didn’t invite you, it’s about why you wouldn’t have attended even if you had the chance. Solitude isn’t always easy, but you can lie and say it is. And that’s kind of beautiful in its own way, right?
Now that you’ve joined an elite coven of sexy outcasts, don’t let a night alone get you down. You don’t need to do what society says you should be doing on Thirsty Thursday, and you wouldn’t have it any other way, okay? Okay???