How to Pick The Best Restaurant to Fight With Your Mother In Every Time She’s In Town

A visit from your mother can be challenging. After a day or two, it’s likely that there is a fight brewing. Given that it’s bound to happen every time she comes to town, you may as well find a spot with a great atmosphere and creative dishes that make you both feel at ease and ready to argue. Follow these steps to find some of the best restaurants for familial fighting…


You’re Going To Want It To Be In Your Local Financial District

Restaurants are public places, and the last thing you want is for one of your pals to be in the vicinity during your fight. Find a little hole-in-the-wall spot in a neighborhood you would never otherwise go so that you can keep this place and this fight completely separated from every other aspect of your life!


Find a Place with Chatty Servers

The more times you’re interrupted during your meal, the more you’ll start to forget what you were fighting about in the first place. If the place has a loud and famous birthday tradition that will shut down the conversation a few times per hour (think Chevy’s), that’s even better. Once they’ve heard your fight, maybe the wait staff will know enough to take your side in the next one!


There Should Be Doodads On The Tables

The more stuff there is to look at and play with, the better. Best case scenario — there are a bunch of little pink sugar packets that you can build into a house while you get a lecture about how it took you just a little bit too long to start paying your own rent.



The Tables Should Be Way Too Close To Each Other

If possible, long communal tables are even better. When you’re cramped up next to the restaurant’s other patrons, you can tune into their conversations and think “I wish I was part of that group instead of having a public and humiliating fight with my mother at a Panera” (or whatever restaurant you ultimately decide upon). Plus, your mom might feel a little too self-conscious to shout at you, so close to others (spoiler alert: she won’t).


Don’t Even Bother Looking At The Menu

It doesn’t matter what kind of food it is — Mediterranean, sushi, whatever. You’re both going to judge each other for your orders, and you’ll probably just pick at your food without eating it anyway. The taste of the food won’t really matter because at the end of the day you and your mom are both cry-yelling at a tiny table in a reservations-only restaurant. Fuck it — get a salad!


You have to fight with your mom somewhere – might as well be over a white table cloth. Best of luck!