New Mother Relieved She’s Still Worthy of Unsolicited Sexual Attention

During her first excursion out of the house since giving birth over five weeks ago, 31-year-old Patricia Lockley was met with unsolicited verbal sexual objectification by a male passerby, a pleasant surprise for the new mother.


Lockley, mother of five-week-old Liana, was emerging from her local pharmacy with a bag of diapers and hemorrhoid cream when the unnamed man shouted several obscenities about her body and the violent things he would do to it if given the chance.


“Talk about a breath of fresh air,” says Lockley, balancing her daughter on her hip. “This mama’s still got it!”


“After nine months of morning sickness, 20 hours of labor, and five weeks of constant screaming and diaper changing, it’s been hard for me to feel sexy,” Lockley sighed. “So to feel like someone might still want to put a baby in me, even in this state, if only for a fleeting moment, meant the world to me.”


“Lockley had really been feeling down about her level of perceived fuckability by strange men ever since she pushed that baby out last month,” says friend Meghan Barner. “This aggressive request for explicit sexual acts from a stranger just couldn’t have come at a more life-affirming moment for her.”



While the flattered Lockley made it clear to the yelling man that she was flattered, she asserted that she was both happily married and incapable of having sex due to her doctor’s advice. “It’s always such a delicate balance with these situations,” Lockley explained. “You don’t want to sound ungrateful, but you also don’t want to lead him on.” In the end, the man begrudgingly acknowledged Lockley’s excuses as legitimate and the two amicably parted ways.


“I want my five-week-old daughter to grow up in a world where conventionally attractive women are yelled at in parking lots despite having given birth recently,” said Lockley with a lingering smile, “Too often society gives an undue amount of respect to mothers, and neglects reducing them to the purely sexual objects they still are as women.”


She added, “Also I’ve since found out that guy has a warrant out for flashing the JV track team, so if you see him, please call the police.”