Meditation is a popular form of self-care in today’s hectic, overstimulated society. Sure, meditation could be helpful, but you know what sounds a lot better right now? A nap! Find out how to trick coworkers into thinking your lazy, tired ways are actually enlightened, sophisticated modes of reaching self-awareness and inner calm.
Put on a really nice headband.
You got it at Forever 21, but it looks like it came from a Buddhist temple’s gift shop. Strap on that thick, twisted, headband with the interesting pattern on the ridge just behind your bangs. Then, watch Kathy envy your enlightenment instead of telling Paul in HR you fart in your sleep and it’s making her uncomfortable.
Use Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life By Jon Kabat-Zinn as a pillow.
Whether you’re on a train, plane, or at your niece’s awful dance recital, bringing around a book that loudly screams “I MEDITATE!” can deceive any onlooker that may otherwise notice you are using it as a pillow and it is there to catch your drool.
Put a yoga mat under your work chair.
Placing a yoga mat under your work chair will get everyone at the office talking about that trendy new company on the second floor that has a yoga coach rather than noticing you took a 120-minute power nap. Be sure to pick a yoga mat with a feather or sun design on it so people not only know that you meditate, but also know that you are better than them.
Put a bag of quinoa on your desk.
It’s 2015 and you haven’t missed a beat! You know all about the health benefits this South American grain has to offer. By placing a bag of it on your desk, now everybody else knows you know, too. Sure, your head is planted face down in front of it, but that’s probably because you are trying to read the nutrition facts on the bag. More than 16 grams of protein, can you believe it?!
Hire Gavin to sit next to you while you sleep.
Gavin is the new, hot meditation leader at the local boutique yoga studio and everyone is talking about his huge, throbbing positive attitude. Rumor has it that when Gavin touches his students, they feel a connection with the deepest part of themselves. Hire Gavin to sit next to you while you are napping, showing everyone else in the office just how willing you are to invest in your practice.
Naps are nothing to be ashamed of, unless you have a job during the day. Don’t let your desire for employment get in the way of your desire for some much-needed shut-eye! Reread these tips any time you need a sensible way to cover up your favorite method of getting to that thoughtless, peaceful place…a nap!