How To Make The Most Of The Few Seconds Between Waking Up and Remembering Trump Is President

Every morning, each of us is given the gift of a few precious minutes free of burdens and responsibilities, minutes that allow us to set intentions and look at the world anew. Of course, these days, it might feel like that precious time is getting shorter and shorter, to the 3-5 seconds between when you wake up and when you remember Trump is president. But just because that time between opening your eyes and checking your phone is short doesn’t mean you can’t make the best of it! Here’s how to make the most out of those few Trump-free seconds of the morning before the rest of your day is filled with ever-increasing existential dread.



There’s nothing like meditation to center yourself and start your day on the right foot. Immediately upon waking, sit up in bed, close your eyes, inhale deeply and exhale. As you breathe, visualize your day. That should take up the three to five seconds before you remember what Trump just all-caps tweeted yesterday. As Buddha says, “You cannot travel on the path until you become the path itself.” And as President Donald Trump says, “I’LL SEE YOU IN COURT!”


Free Write

Studies show that people who write first thing in the morning are more productive throughout the day. So grab a pen and your favorite Moleskine and prepare to write for ten minutes straight without stopping. Just let your mind wander! Your mind will inevitably wander to something Kellyanne Conway just said on television, or anything bad that could happen to the Supreme Court in the near future, and that’s when you know you’re done. Make sure to stop around the five-second mark if you want to avoid crushing your pen into 100 tiny pieces in your hand. And hey, you might have written a half-completed sentence that looks pretty good!



Knit a Quilt

Mornings are the perfect time to chip away at a big project for a few seconds at a time, like knitting that quilt! Keep the knitting needles and thread right by your bedside, so you can grab them the literal moment you wake up. You can even do the knitting right there in bed, and probably should, because there won’t be a lot of time before your significant other yells “FUCK” when he turns on the news in five seconds. With enough work, you might have a beautiful quilt done in time for the next administration. Now, time to seize the day, girlfriend!


Even in dark times, we should all make the most of our mornings, even if the joy only lasts for the brief moment before we are fully out of bed. Savor every precious moment you can find!