Once upon a time, you were the default queen of your Uber, but now that ride-sharing is a thing, you’re gonna need to find a way to assert your dominance and make sure you’re the most popular girl in the car. Here are some tips to help you stay at the top of the Uber food chain.
Ignore everyone.
This is a tried-and-true tactic of popular girls in high school, so go ahead and give it a try in this Toyota sedan! While everyone else in the car is discussing the song on the radio or the various neighborhoods they’re going to, just stare out the window as though you have a lot on your mind. Even though you’re all there to save approximately four dollars each, don’t be afraid to throw a look of judgment their way. Chances are you’ll be the one they most remember from that ride, and that’s basically popularity!
Make a fake phone call to a cool person.
If you’re sharing an Uber and it seems as though the other passengers aren’t giving you the attention you deserve, try picking up your phone and talking loudly to nobody. Drop a few lines about your “text conversation with Beyoncé” and hint that you’re looking for some new best friends. Before you know it, your fellow poolers will be voting you homecoming Uber queen!
Lie about where you’re going.
Nothing screams, “Look up to me!” like a little old fashioned intrigue. Even though you technically have to give your driver your destination address, you can still earn the respect and fear of the other passengers by making comments about the secret and exclusive location you’re headed to. Try enigmatic phrases like, “This alley is fine, Banksy said he’d meet me here.” Even hip ingénues need to take a wayward route home sometimes!
Play them the coolest playlist of your life.
Everything is riding on this, girl: When your Uber swings by for that third passenger, plug in your iPhone and scream, “Now it’s party time!” Pretty soon everyone will be chanting your name and demanding your presence in every Uber they take for the rest of their lives, which is good because you’re a part-time nanny and that’s all you can afford right now!
Remember, it’s not about where you’re going, or the money you save by sharing the ride—it’s about proving you are the most formidable person among a random group of strangers! Now get out there, cool girl!
