We used to be able to sniff them out by their telltale tankinis, but plus-size models are getting sneakier and sneakier. With the increasing size of the average American woman and the decreasing size of the average thin woman, it can be hard to tell if your skinniest buddy is actually a hot fat girl featured in a national photoshoot. Here are some signs to look out for if you suspect the tiniest girl in your friend group might be the biggest girl in the magazine:
Does she support organizations that reflect fat teachings? Does she live on a Lane or go to Bryant Park? Well my friend, you might have a plus-size model on your hands.
Is her jean size a number? 24? 2? Even 0. Even 00. Even if your friend wears child’s size. As long as there’s a size, there’s a possibility that she’s a plus-size model.
Does she pose with her elbow out to the side or tilt her head in photos? If so, she may be an obese hottie, trying to distort her not-a-real-model reality. Posing at all often means your friend has something to hide.
Are there flats in her closet? That chunky chick might not wear them a lot, but those extra-narrow ballet slippers are a dead giveaway. Remember: Flats equals fats.
Would you qualify her face as a face? Like, lips, cheeks, everything? If she has two or more of any of the following: Eyes, Cheeks, Ears, Nostrils, Brows – friend, you may have a curvy queen on your hands.
Can she lift things unassisted? Even the ability to lift light things, is a sign of being plus-sized. Additionally, ANY tensile strength her arms may possess should make you question … dis bitch fat? Do I even know what dat means?
Does she own pantyhose of any kind, even sexy ones? She’s probs a fat sex bomb. Skinny models aren’t hiding those pins for ANYTHING.
Does she ever wear glasses? Um, is her head so hungry it needs extra vision just to maintain itself? You’ve got a plus-sizer on your hands!
Does she weighs less than you and is taller? Fat!
Frankly, there aren’t many people in the corporeal form who aren’t plus-sized. You’re probably a huge fat vixen, too. Anyway, if you’re so skinny, how are you not sneaking by us to the bathroom to snort coke? Keep your eyes open, America!