There’s nothing as romantic as linking hands with your man in a death grip he can never escape, but sometimes you crave less publicly acceptable forms of intimacy. Sometimes you’re ready to take things to the next level in a much more aggressive and abrupt way. When you know what you need and don’t want anything else leading up to it, here’s how to make the first move by giving him a knowing look, getting the nod back and then just taking his hand and shoving it in your hoo-ha.
Make Sure He’s Not Holding Anything
Your first priority is to always keep his hands free of objects that aren’t your puss, so take the reins on carrying anything from grocery bags to steering wheels. Hell, you should type his emails for him! After all, you’re a modern woman who knows when the urge will come over you, and you’ll just need to cram his most available appendage inside you!
Hide His Gloves
Oh no, it’s wintertime and his favorite pair of gloves has gone missing! More like you burned them, you saucy minx! You’ve got a better way to keep those little fingies warm! Offer up your personal pocket while insisting that, no, your landlord is terrible and the heater really is broken.
Wear Skirts or Pants with a Roomy Waistline
Keep that box easy to open! Don’t make your lady region the human equivalent of new headphones in clamshell packaging. If you want to be fingered or full on fisted at your whim, it’s best to make your wardrobe comprised entirely of skater skirts and sexy but comfy boyfriend jeans. Duh—that’s why they call them boyfriend jeans!
Invest in a Pair of Police-Level Handcuffs
There’s no fucking around with finger-banging! If you want to keep those hands at pussy’s length away, make sure they’re always attached to your own body! Get an intense pair of metal handcuffs and cuff your man to you. Don’t let him take this as you being possessive. He can still text whoever he wants as long as he’s flickin’ it right. You’re very fair!
You deserve to have what you want—and what you want is to cram your man’s hand up your vag whenever you feel like it. Don’t let him shame you out of being fingered whenever you want, wherever you want – it’s not like he’s never asked for road head. And it’s not like you didn’t aggressively acquiesce to his request.
