You know that now that you’ve graduated from college, you’re SUCH a Chrissy. The only problem is you’ve been going by Christina for the past 22 years and it’s gonna be really weird to convince all of your friends and family to suddenly change how they address you. Luckily, we’ve got a step-by-step guide for making the transition to a random, shortened version of your god-given name just because Justin thinks it’s “cuter”. Here’s how to change your name and lose all your friends in the process:
Step 1: Chrissy-fy your Instagram presence.
This is where most people who matter see you, so even though your username is pretty neutral (@C_monee$), you’d better make sure your profile is Christina-free. This is an important first step in fully claiming your Chrissy-ness. Your friends will be annoyed by the arbitrary change and slowly distance themselves from you.
Step 2: Set up a few, casual encounters at the next big social gathering.
If you know you’re headed to a party this weekend, hire a stranger to arrive about 10 minutes late, scan the room, spot you, and yell your new, sexy moniker. Your friends will be very annoyed by the weirdness of this, but whatever. They just don’t get you (AKA Chrissy). Also make sure that whenever you’re at a bar, you tell them the tab is under CHRISSY so that the bar randos will be like, oh cool, her name is Chrissy. Your friends, however, won’t think it’s cool; they’ll think it’s desperate and try-hard.
Step 3: Coin some cool, new catch phrases.
To reinforce that you no longer identify as a Christina, try providing those around you with some fun Chrissy-centric expressions. This will likely alienate your closest friends since it’s a total departure from your personality, but keep your goal in mind and don’t give up. Here are some ideas right off the top of our heads, you’re welcome:
Don’t Chrissy and tell!
Chrissy Chrisdemeanor Elliott!
Chrissy’s gonna chris!
Step 4: Consider mixing up the spelling.
This one will really send your close pals running in the opposite direction, but does Chrissy sound like someone who’d be fazed by that? NOPE. The bigger the change, the more notice (and scorn) it will get. What if you spelled Krissy with a “K”? Or perhaps a fun “ie” ending is in order. Either way, friendships will be lost.
Step 5: Forget the haters.
Remember when your friend Amy went back to Amelia after Sophomore year to seem “more mature”? Remember how everyone went fuckin’ bananas, bashing her behind her back and purposefully not even trying to call her by her new, chosen name? This will probably happen to you now that you are a full-blown Chrissy, but you’ve got Hulu Plus and a chill-ass new name so who needs friends, right?
While Christina may have had more friends, Chrissy will totes have more fun. Ditch those lame-os and jump on the Chrissy train!