There are myriad reasons you might not be getting as wet as you’d like during sex with a partner or alone. It’s important that you listen to your body and feelings, but if the desire is there and you’re just struggling with the mechanics, don’t fret! Here are concrete steps you can take to get as soaked as the most relentlessly wet object in the world: Tupperware at the end of a dishwasher cycle.
Great sex is all about comfort and communication. If there’s something you like, don’t be afraid to ask for it, and similarly don’t stay silent if they’re doing something that doesn’t work for you. Talking about what turns you on opens up healthy dialogue, plus it’s hot! Almost as hot as the inside of your dishwasher gets, leaving your glass and ceramic items bone dry while your bitchy little tupperware remains just absolutely dripping wet. Almost wetter than something completely submerged in water…wetter than anything should be. Good for her! We want that.
Maybe it’s due to a medication, maybe it’s hormonal, but whatever the reason, you can be mentally ready to go without your bod getting the message. If that’s your struggle, try using a water-based lube for greater comfort and pleasure. Remember: You can add more lube at any point during sex, and you’ll surely have to if you want to stay as drenched as a piece of plastic that gets disgustingly discolored if a drop of tomato sauce so much as grazes it, but can keep hundreds of water droplets atop its surface for a physics-defying amount of time.
If nothing else works – coat your junk in thin plastic.
If the former options fail to get you as moist as the obstinately sopping miracle that is dishwashed tupperware, it might be to time to consider coating your junk in a thin layer of clear plastic. We’re not really sure if this will “feel” good, but any moisture your vag manages to produce on its own will be going absolutely nowhere once it glides onto your shimmery plastic-coated cooter. Not microwave safe!
At the end of the day, nothing on God’s earth including ancient creatures of the deep sea will ever be as wet as tupperware at the end of a dishwasher cycle, but with these approaches, your genitals will be a close second. Here’s to wet, wet sex and food containers you eat a sad salad out of at work!