Damn, Cheryl’s top is cute. Really, adorably, perfect amount of cleavage cute. So you compliment Cheryl and all she says is, “Thanks,” instead of “Thanks, on sale at Ann Taylor LOFT on 3rd Avenue. Rack on the left. Also comes in blue, which would look amazing with your skin tone. Here’s a coupon.” Without these necessary details, how are you supposed to acquire that cute top? You want that top? You work for the information to get that top. It’s go-time, you fashionable sleuth.
Be specific. Research your area ahead of time and be armed with specifics: “That looks just like the peasant top on UrbanOutfitters.com, page 3, size medium, right?!” Better yet: butter up by saying “size extra small” instead.
Keep a list of questions on a neon pink Post-it in all of your purses, clutches and wristlets, just in case you switch from day to evening but still want to be round-the-clock prepared for locating that adorable top.
Rip the tag directly off of her body. Offer to tuck in her tag behind her neck as you check out the brand, size and item number. If the item number is only listed on the lower inner tag, go in for a supportive hug while talking about how much her friendship means to you. Then, flip the edge of the shirt out and rip out the tag. You may need an extra arm to do this, but you’ll be sporting that Rag and Bone sheer top in no time, girlfriend.
No dice? Fucking steal it. That sneaky slut, trying to keep her cute top all to herself. I just know she does it on purpose so nobody will look better than her in that fucking top. Obviously, drastic measures now apply. If you’re still struggling, break into that bitch’s apartment and just fucking steal it. It would look better on you, anyway.
