There comes a moment in every child’s life where they begin to realize that Santa isn’t what they always believed him to be. In these trying times in a child’s evolving sense of the world, your child might soon realize that the jolly old white man you’ve told them about isn’t woke to the state of injustice in society today. Here’s how to explain why we don’t believe Santa anymore because Santa lives in an all-white bubble, immune to the power structures of modern society.
Be honest with your child.
So you’ve been lying to your child for the last 5-13 years about Santa Claus, but every kid eventually puts the pieces together. Look your child right in their innocent little eyes and crush them by saying, “Honey, while we think belief is a beautiful thing, I want you to know that Santa is not really woke. Despite having visited every country on earth, Santa has never submerged himself into any culture except those of tiny white working-class elves, and pays them literally nothing all year long. I’m sorry, baby, but Santa is not the hero we told you he was.”
Be clear about the truth.
Clarity is key when taking a child’s entire world and making it come crashing down around them. Say things like “Santa does not support any important civil rights movements,” or “Mr. Claus is unwoke AF and literally does not care about anyone but himself.” Sure, he technically gives presents to everyone who is good, but what even are the metrics by which he determines who is ‘good’ and who is ‘bad’? Honestly, Santa has a lot of blind spots, and doesn’t know much about the women’s movement, either. Until Santa stops defining children on a binary of simply nice or naughty, your kid does not need anything from him.
Answer their questions.
At this point, your child will be filled with questions. Be prepared to answer them all. Your child may ask, “What does this have to do with my presents?” You can respond with, “Gifts are of very little value if given by those who seek to oppress you or are indifferent to your struggles.” They won’t understand yet, but they must know. Despite his curve frame, Santa doesn’t even support body positivity and is completely unaware of the double standard of how men and women are judged by their looks. It’s time your child learns that not everyone uses their magical powers for social justice.
Remind them there’s always Judaism.
So their so-called Christian hero, Santa Claus, has let them down, and they don’t know who to believe in anymore. Let them know that there is always Judaism! Their idols won’t be flashy like Santa, but they can part red seas, which must be some woke AF illusion to the strength of the female reproductive system. Now THERE is a good role model for your child.
This holiday season, you may have to shatter your precocious child’s innocence, but it will be worth it to make sure they are woke and following in woke foot steps. Let your kid know that Santa, deep down, is culturally socially unaware. Happy Holidays!
