How to Enjoy the Next 5 Minutes Before Everyone Starts Talking About 2024 

The inauguration has come and gone, and though shockwaves of attempted insurrection still linger with an impeachment trial on the horizon, it’s safe to say that the 2020 presidential election is over. Regardless of how you feel about Biden, you at least deserve to enjoy the relative calm of not being in the middle of a prolonged, messy election cycle. So here’s how to really soak up and make the most of these next five minutes before everyone starts talking about 2024.


Take a deep breath.

Election cycles seem to grow longer each term and bring with them the headline-generating drama of political theater that functions, as if by design, to keep the public anxious and distracted from longer-term issues. This is a toxic political environment to live in, but the good news is that a president was sworn in seven days ago! So take a deep breath in and exhale into that certainty of knowing how the current executive branch will affect your own political activism/life for nearly a full five minutes before the public discourse redirects to 2024 speculation and your brain becomes infested with haunting images of Josh Hawley and Ted Cruz’s dead-eyed smiles closing in on you. Maybe make a nice herbal tea or something!


Get in touch with your intentions.

When you’re in panic mode, it’s hard to think about the future in a productive way. Think of your life as a presidential term: do you want to shape it with lasting legislation or chaotic executive action that can be easily undone? Is this more difficult to do in a country that is always technically thinking about the future but in a highly turbulent, unsustainable way that’s like, “Who’s going to have power next?” as opposed to, “Will the earth be habitable when they do?” And how about those midterm elections?!



Go off the grid.

If you need more than the next five minutes to not think and/or talk about 2024, we recommend going off the grid. We could argue all day about the ethics of this, but we think if you live in the woods and offer a skinned rabbit to your neighboring farm every few weeks you’ll be contributing about as much if not more to your community as you are now. But you better get out there fast, because by our calculations talk of the Republican primaries will become unavoidable in T minus three minutes.


So try these tips to enjoy the fleeting moments before everyone starts talking about 2024, or just drop out of society completely. Either way, we support you, and you should probably try to get your screen time down a couple of hours this year.