While some people’s dream summertime plans are sitting outdoors with a bitter negroni and some stinky oysters, that might not be your idea of a great day. However, you don’t have to cave into peer pressure! Even though all of your friends only want to eat raw fish and alcohol, here’s how to have the summer of your dreams minus the bacteria, mercury, and other poisons.
Make plans that don’t involve food.
A great way to get out of the rotation of seafood and drinks is to make the option obsolete. Try suggesting activities that are far away from a full bar and kitchen. This is a great way for you and your friends to gain new experiences without a drink in one hand and an anchovy in the other. Suggest your friends go to a church or a temple, where they can seek guidance for their sacrilegious tastes.
Suggest smoking instead of drinking.
Most weed smokers aren’t rushing to eat tuna crudo or down several Aperol Spritzes after a smoke sesh. Try inviting your friends to share a joint in a park – this is perfect if you would rather spend 15 bucks at Taco Bell versus $60 at a French-Japanese fusion bar and restaurant. Lighting up is a great alternative to raw fish and alcohol for your wallet, and while I want to say better for your stomach, I’m not confident in that assertion. Still, at least Taco Bell is cooked!
Write letters to the president calling for the return of prohibition.
Sometimes people just can’t be controlled. If your friends don’t want to stop sipping liquor, then you have no other choice than to lobby to get it banned again. Yup, write to the president urging him to stop all alcohol sales for the summer in hopes you can enjoy the warm months without a tummy ache. Did the prohibition era encourage people to drink a little more? Perhaps, but maybe this time it’ll be different. What is the government for if not manipulating your friends into doing what you want? Count your days, hard liquor!
Orchestrate a giant fisherman strike.
The people who fish for our food supply deserve a raise, and striking can ensure workplace protections while limiting the access of fish for ideally two to three months. This a noble cause for you to take up this summer, all while motivating your friends to enjoy things other than raw seafood. If the fishermen are striking, your friends can’t justify crossing the picket line for wasabi octopus.
With summertime quickly creeping closer, you need to act fast and try out these tips! While everyone else is opting for drinks and raw bard orders, don’t be afraid to order your Shirley Temple and chicken nuggets. Being an adult is hard and pretending you want raw seafood and gin for every meal is a unique challenge of this season of life. You don’t have to indulge your friend’s love of things that could be poisonous to enjoy your summer!
