How to Dye Your Hair at Home Without Unpacking All Your Traumas

Whether you’re dying your hair to emphasize texture, express queerness, or just explore a new look, trying out a new hair color is all for stylistic expression! We’re not going to stereotype and judge you and your hair for any mental health issues. So here’s how to dye your hair at home without processing any painful experiences from the past, because you’re not going to give them the satisfaction!


Buy box hair dye. Now buy another box.

Get a box wherever you normally get beauty supplies but get a second box! Imagine the horror of running out midway through. It would be just like the time you were abruptly dumped even though you had future plans together. However, now’s not really the best time to discuss that. You’ve got a task at hand that has nothing to do with your emotional state, which, yes, is fragile. Welcome to being alive in the world, bitch.


Perform a strand test.

We know you’re excited for a change, but take it one step at a time. Too much change all at once is like a parent getting arrested or abandoning their child and it can be startling! Shit, sorry to bring that up. Your hair is going to look AWESOME, girly! And if your annoying coworker makes a tasteless joke about this being a sign of a breakdown, he’ll be wrong. Like, yeah, virtually everyone has some form of trauma, Jared, and that doesn’t have anything to do with you wanting to have cute red layers that frame your face with a pop of color. We don’t ask you about what emotional baggage makes you wear “funny” ties.


Section your hair.

Go down the middle, then from ear to ear across the crown. Dye the front sections first since they’ll need time for the color to fully process. We recommend watching TV, reading a magazine, or whatever you need to distract yourself from your thoughts. Or sit in them – it’s up to you, babe! You know yourself best. Not us. Definitely not fucking Jared and his corny-ass ties. Fuck you, Jared. Does he remind you of your dad? Ah, doesn’t matter.



Wash it out the right way.

Avoid shampoo, as sulfates will mess up your hair shaft. Just hop in the shower and rinse out with water. You don’t want to spend too long in the shower anyway. Yes, it is a space to unpack everything and get in your feels, but the water consumption of it all. Not to make you feel guilty. Whatever helps you cope, but like, you get it.


And that’s it! And warning: It may not come out looking exactly like the model on the box, so be sure not to grieve the difference between expectations and reality. But if you are going to process your shit, dyeing your hair at home is actually a great private place to do it. You can’t go wrong!