You ignored it at your graduation and during your wedding vows, but maybe now it’s time to say something? After years of quietly letting everyone mispronounce your name, including your own family, you feel like it is finally time to speak up for yourself. Your time is now! Here are some cute, simple and nonthreatening ways to tell people that they’ve been mispronouncing your name for the past 10 years:
Use The Cold Shoulder.
Stop answering phone calls. Your friends and coworkers might start to worry that you’ve gone missing, but repeated exposure to your voicemail message might teach them to stop pronouncing the “O” in Phoebe.
Do a TED Talk.
It seems like the best way to get a message across these days is by hosting your very own TED Talk. Simply become the leading specialist in pronouncing your own name, and host a TED Talk on that subject. Once you’ve said your name a few times, and emphasized the importance of others pronouncing it correctly, your friends should get the picture.
Try Spelling Phonetically.
Similar to the teaching methods in an English as a Second Language classroom, spelling out your name phonetically will give people a smaller window to fuck up. Do you have a super-confusing name like Mia? Put the correct pronunciation in parentheses next to your name in every email. Try and mispronounce Meeeyah now, father-in-law of eight years!
Write a children’s book that even a child can pronounce!
Write a children’s book about a panda who is sad because none of her panda friends can pronounce her name even though it really isn’t that hard to pronounce compared to other panda names. Honestly, what is so hard about Naomi? Publish this book and host a trendy yet informal reading for everyone you’ve ever met in hopes that they understand the subtle symbolism.
Give up and use a nickname.
In the spirit of The Fonz, come up with a cool nickname for yourself and encourage others to join the fun! You’ve gone by Renée your whole life, but your boss can’t pronounce it and never really could. Think of how much more fun you’ll have as Nay Nay, or R-money!
There you have it; every single possible way to tell people that they are mispronouncing your name. If none of these options work for you, you can always just sit quietly in the corner until someone talks at you, just as the good lord intended.
