How to Date in Your Thirties When You’re Only Attracted to Wario

When you’ve been out of school for 10+ years, and you don’t feel like your social circle is changing anytime soon, the idea of dating can feel pretty daunting. This is especially true if you have your eye on that one evil-looking biker dude from Mario Kart. But don’t fret! Dating in your thirties can actually be a piece of cake, even when you’re only attracted to Wario. Here’s how to do it:


Ask your friends to set you up with someone.

Dipping your toe in the dating pool alone can feel nerve-wracking, but you can also start dating with the help of your trusted friends. Simply ask one or more of your friends if they know anyone who’s single and your type. Just make sure that they know “your type” is strictly old, chubby, sinister men who wear yellow and whose names are Wario. Easy peasy!



Talk about common interests.

First dates can always be tricky, no matter what age you are. However, one thing that you can always use to keep the conversation going is talking about your common interests. For you, you could talk about how badly you want to caress Wario’s little yellow cap, or how you’re fascinated with the unintelligible nasal grunts he makes from time to time. And for them, it can be the same exact things, or else you’ll both sit there in silence until one of you decides to leave.


Look for people with mustaches.

You’re not gonna want to hear this, but since Wario is not, in fact, a real person, you may have to settle for people with similar traits as him. Try seeking out people who ride motorcycles, are rude, love to wear yellow, have a nemesis named Mario, or just simply have a great mustache. If you can’t have it all, at least you can have a fraction of it! 


So if you’re struggling to date after you hit the big 3-0 and lived a life of only being attracted to Wario, then follow these tips to get back out there and meet some great people. They won’t be Wario, but you can still pretend! And if all else fails, just keep playing Mario Kart.