Ladies: Raise your hand if you’ve ever dated a guy shorter than you. Now put that hand down, you freakish giant! It’s not your fault you’re so tall, but how are you supposed to feel womanly and delicate if he’s a good four inches shorter than you? Being physically dominant over your man can feel absolutely sickening, so how will you prevent that embarrassing moment when you barf on his head? Here are some ways to go out in public with your small man while rerouting your barf away from the top of his tiny head:
Turn Your Cheek to Barf
Normally it’s sweet when a guy is willing to declare his love for you by kissing you in public. But the minute you engage in that lip lock and realize that you had to bend your knees to get to it, the barf will begin to bubble! To avoid a major party faux pas, simply turn your head and let his kiss land gently on your cheek. That way, when you realize that he had to use his tippy toes just to get there, your barf will go all over the floor and not his head.
Use the “Sorority Squat” to Barf
The Sorority Squat is perfect for big group photos like a family reunion or an intramural softball team. It’s also a great tactic to avoid barfing on your man’s head. When you are waiting in line at Whole Foods with your boo, just use the sorority squat throughout your whole conversation to avoid barfing on his head! All of that embarrassment of being the one who had to reach the crackers on the top shelf because his wingspan is that of a hummingbird will trigger your inevitable barf and land on his shoes, instead of his head.
Dance Back-to-Front to Barf
So you’re at a wedding together and you have to dance. Everyone’s shaking their groove thing, and it’s a major social expectation to dance with your tiny boyfriend. But dancing means a lot of his face into your neck, which will inevitably lead to barf on his head. Stop it before it starts! Simply turn around, put your butt to his front, and when you realize that your butt reaches his chest, you’ll barf onto the bride’s sister, and not his head! Her dress wasn’t even that great to begin with; she’ll thank you later.
Break out the Aluminum Foil Reflector to Barf
You remember those, right? The aluminum foil foldable reflectors were used in the 1950s for beach babes to get the perfect tan! Now they can be used for the modern girl of 2015 to wear in her day-to-day life. If Gary asks something like “How’s the weather up there, Toots?” Instead of responding by barfing onto his head, the barf will land in that reflector. Now, you’ve got a barf catcher AND a tan!
Ladies, it’s hard enough to find the right guy, not to mention the right-sized guy. Once you’ve got a man, hold on to him for dear life! Just be sure to steer that barf away from his adorably little head. Like the saying goes, “Beggars can’t be choosers especially when you’re a tall girl who barfs a lot.”