How To Be Under 40 And Also Named Diane

Are you named Diane and somehow under the age of 40? Chances are you’re not, being named Diane an unfortunate condition affecting several thousand women across the country. It’s completely possible to be in your twenties while having a totally mom name like the aforementioned Diane, or even Sharon, Karen, or Tina. Use these tips to help remind people that you’re not quickly approaching menopause, even though your name might suggest it.


Create a fun nickname for yourself.

While women named Eleanor who are under 40 can just go by Ellie, Diane doesn’t lend itself to young nicknames easily. That means you’re going to have to do some work in terms of creating a nickname. If you have a simple last name like “Green,” go by that. Otherwise create a nickname for yourself, like “Apple” if you like apples or “Party girl” if you want to up your dwindling social capital. Look, we didn’t say it would be easy.



Wear your birth certificate as a necklace.

The name Diane is a basically a Scarlet Letter when it comes to being perceived as under 40. So in order to prove that you really are just 26, have your birth certificate laminated and wear it around your neck on a tasteful gold chain. This way, whether you’re at the bar, a job interview, or just at dinner with some friends, everyone will know that you’re definitely not 60!


Do childlike things so your age approximates to your actual age.

You’re 22, but your name makes you look and feel like you’re 44. That means you need to do things babies would do so that people will average out your childlike behavior against your impossibly old name. Try drinking milk out of a bottle and crawling instead of walking. No one will think you’re about to hit menopause if you’re taking a nap in the middle of the workday! (This only applies if you don’t snore.)


There’s no reason to feel embarrassed for having an old lady name. It’s a name your parents gave you. But just because it’s the burden you’ve been given to bear until you reach Diane age (approximately 40 years old), there’s no reason you have to suffer. Good luck, Diane! We’re rooting for you!