The media has given us countless false representations of what it means to be “sexy” today. Beyond unreasonable body standards, a woman should practically glide when she walks, always have on a perfect face of makeup, whip her hair when she gets out of the pool, and even flip her spoon upside down before she seductively licks it – but what about real women? Here are a few definitive ways you can be sexy even though you never flip your spoon upside down to lick it, because that honestly seems impractical.
Buy some lingerie that makes you feel sexy.
If you feel sexy, you’ll look sexy! Buy a new set, exude confidence, and you’ll have him saying, “Even though you lick your spoon the normal way – like the concave side up – I still feel attracted to you in this moment!” Soon he’ll be licking your spoon the right way – if you know what we mean.
Seductively lick a spoon another way.
Just because you don’t flip your spoon upside down, you can still seductively lick it, which remains one of the classic modes of flirtation. There are plenty of ways to make spoon-licking work for you, so grab a pint of ice cream or a scoop of delicious bolognese and lick that shit the normal way. He’ll still love it, probably! And if he doesn’t…uh…we didn’t really plan for contingency scenarios. Hopefully, he loves it!
Maybe get a Ph.D. or something?
Look, you’re running out of options. If you refuse to lick your spoon in the conventionally sexy way, you’re going to need to try a million times harder to get just as far. It’s time to go back to school. After the spoon thing, the next sexiest thing a girl can do is become a scholar.
Remember that you’re more than your spoon-licking technique.
Don’t get down on yourself just because you don’t adhere to the societal ideal of spoon-licking. If you don’t flip your spoon upside down, lick it, and make direct eye contact with a lover – so what? You’re still a unique, sexy individual, and sure, it’s going to be statistically more difficult for you to find love, but it’s not impossible! Probably! It probably won’t be impossible. But really, who’s to say? Are you sure you can’t try flipping it upside down this one time? Just to see how it feels?
Best of luck finding love despite your refusal to lick a spoon the sexy way, girlie! You’re going to need it.
