How to Act So Goddamn Clueless That a Tall, Kind Man Just Takes You In

Let’s face it: Dating is hard, especially when you’re not sure how to convince men to take you in to live with them immediately. So if you’re head over heels for a tall, kind man who might also happen to wear a bright yellow suit, here’s how to act so goddamn clueless, helpless, and lost that he just has to take you into his care!


Try on his hat.

Just like all great love stories, the beginning of your happily ever after will be to try on his hat, which will probably be way too big for you. You can even act like you’re getting lost in it! This will not only make it clear that you constantly need help, but it’ll also make you seem really tiny! You can’t possibly survive in a world by yourself like that!


Never follow directions.

He’ll never take you in if it seems like you can actually get from point A to point B in every scenario, so instead of following directions, reading crosswalk signs, or listening to anyone at all, just don’t do anything! He’ll surely have to step in to help you out, and then he’ll eventually just take you in because he’s so worried about you!



Follow your impulses.

Instead of thinking through anything fully, just go ahead and do it! Men love it when they have to rein you in after doing something crazy like running out of a restaurant to pet a dog, or crossing the street whenever you want to. Following your impulses will show him that you’re an independent woman, but also that you need saving constantly!


Get into bad situations.

If you’ve followed all the above steps, this part will come pretty naturally. Once you’ve acted so clueless for a certain amount of time, you’ll eventually end up in a bad situation, like an allergic reaction or car wreck. This might seem bad at first, but once your tall, kind man realizes that you need to be under his supervision at all times to be safe, then he’ll just take you into his house to live with him indefinitely! Aww!


So if you’ve just met a kind, tall man who might also happen to be wearing a yellow hat, follow these steps to act so goddamn clueless that he has to take you in! Hopefully he doesn’t send you to a zoo instead!