Given the cost of living crisis and rising inflation, it’s never been harder to save a significant portion of your paycheck each month. Plus, navigating saving techniques like Roth IRAs and 401k plans can be a little tricky, especially if you – like me – are not well-versed in financial tools. However, if you’re not saving-inclined, there’s still hope! After years of struggling, I finally found a technique that works for me: I saved money by putting half of every paycheck in savings and then sawing off my hands.
I’m pretty good at putting a significant portion of my salary directly into savings, but in the past, I’ve found it hard not to just take it right out. It’s too easy to transfer it into my other account! That’s when I had the brilliant idea to literally just saw my hands right off.
Now I don’t have to worry about my own, grubby fingers getting in the way of my retirement plan! Or my thumbs or wrists, considering those are gone, too!
Sure, no longer having hands because I sawed them off in an effort to stop myself from dipping into my savings has made my life harder in numerous ways, but at least in 15 to 20 years, I’ll probably have saved enough to put a down payment on a shitty house! I hated driving, anyway.
As an added benefit, I can save money on gloves, rings, and any activity that requires functioning phalanges. I’ve never saved more or been in more pain!
Taking a rusty chainsaw to the ol’ fingies was the best thing I’ve ever done for my future. Sure, my family doesn’t understand it, nor does my boss at the specialty jewelry shop where I painstakingly make custom, hand-made rings, but sometimes, to make real progress, you’ve got to break a few wrists. Two, to be exact.
Plus, now that I’m saving so much, I might be able to afford a fancy prosthetic by the time I really need my hands, anyway. Call that a win-win!
You might think that the drawbacks of sawing off your hands would far outweigh the benefits. Ow, sorry, hit my wrist. What was I saying? Oh yeah!
All things considered, this technique is pretty easy and effective. Naysayers have told me that I should have tried making withdrawal restrictions on my savings account before I resorted to sawing off my hands, and to them I say: I honestly didn’t think of that and kind of wish I had.
But it’s too late now!
So, try it! Or actually, make sure you’re ready to commit first! I’m trying to get them to sew my hands back on, but doctors are calling this “impossible” and “extremely expensive” and “once again, medically impossible.” Happy saving!
