It’s no secret that trend cycles are out of control these days. Ballet-core? Y2K? Indie sleaze? It’s become nearly impossible to keep up with each week’s new micro-trend. As a stylish young person, I was beginning to burn out. That is, until I broke free from the never ending barrage of fashion fads by dressing like Mr. Tumnus, the fantastical faun from beloved children’s classic The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.
The scramble to keep up with the Bella Hadids of the world has led to a crisis of personal style. On platforms like TikTok and Instagram, copycats and clones abound. Not me though — I’ve opted out entirely by taking my style cues from a dapper little half-man, half-goat.
Before my style evolution into the Faun Tumnus, my clothing consumption was out of control. But editing down my wardrobe and going topless in a red knit scarf and furry pants has liberated me from the shackles of late-stage capitalism — even if my newfound aesthetic suggests I live in servitude to Queen of the Realm, the White Witch.
Adopting a signature look has also helped me reclaim so much invaluable time. Now that I spend less time figuring out what to wear, I’m free to roam the great woods, take up the flute, and enjoy leisurely afternoon teas with my best friend, an 8-year-old girl child and Daughter of Eve.
Some may wonder if my new capsule wardrobe limits my self-expression. Not at all! Sometimes I’ll swap my woolen muffler for a luxe pashmina. Other times, I’ll elevate my ensemble by toting a large umbrella while juggling an assortment of parcels. But only if the occasion calls for it, and tits still very much out, of course!
While my bold new drip has boosted my confidence, it has raised a few eyebrows. Someone always has something to say like, “where is your shirt?” “what exactly is the scarf accomplishing?” or “seriously, let’s get you a shirt”, but it’s no skin off my back (which, by the way, is now freezing at all times).
If you’re considering existing outside of the status quo, just know that most people aren’t going to get it. A more ignorant person may even ask if you’re “supposed to be the goat guy Danny DeVito voices in Disney’s Hercules or something?” But to those folks I’d say: No. He is a satyr and that is different.
Assuming the taste of a reclusive, cloven-hoof creature with a penchant for brightly colored statement accessories and shearling bottoms may not be for everyone, but I’d still encourage many of you to give it a try. Just not too many of you though, because it’s kind of my whole thing now.
