After living with my husband for three years during the pandemic, I realized that we might finally need our own separate spaces. I love my husband, but he has a lot of interests that I don’t share, like watching football, playing Call of Duty, and drinking IPAs, which is why I thought it would be the perfect birthday gift to build him his very own little “man cave” that he could relax in.
I never thought that he’d be constantly talking to me about stalagmites instead.
Sure, I decided to make it a realistic cave by installing limestone and real stalagmites, but that was just to add a little rustic touch. I didn’t think that these structures would be the sole interest of my husband while he was down there. Now, he doesn’t even touch the PS5 that I bought for him — he just constantly samples the ever-growing stalagmites growing from the floor, and excitedly shows me his findings.
He won’t shut the fuck up!
If I knew that he cared this much about stalagmites, I would’ve gotten him a plane ticket to Bermuda or New Mexico so he could discover them all he wants to without me. But now I’m living above a constant archaeologist excavation that I didn’t sign up for.
My husband doesn’t even drink beer anymore! He says it “clouds his mind” when he could be better using it to think about rock formations. Are you fucking kidding me?
Some people think that I should be happy that my husband wants to tell me all about his interests, and I admit that it was fun hearing about it the first couple times, but I don’t know how much longer I can hear about the same rock structures coming out of the ground. It’s not like they’re gonna change that much within our lifetime!
Someone please help!
Now my husband is always asking if we can afford to put more stalagmites in the man cave, as if I didn’t already spend thousands getting the ones we have there in the first place. I thought that this man cave was going to make us both happy, but it’s making me miserable, and him losing sleep from thinking and talking about stalagmites all the time.
Because of this, I’ve decided to demolish the man cave altogether. It just isn’t worth it! So I’m going to redo the man cave and put stalactites up instead.