25-year-old Ellie Burton of Tampa, FL, was amazed at how quick and easy it was to get approved for her first credit card. After a whirlwind 18 months of puttin’ it all on the plastic with absolutely no knowledge of how credit works, Burton checked her credit score and found it had plummeted to a brutal, but hysterical, 420.
“Wait, your credit score is WHAT?” asked Rick, Burton’s dad’s financial advisor, who she begrudgingly agreed to meet with after her parents called her screaming about insurance premiums.
“420,” answered Burton with a sly smirk. Haha, nice.
Once the novelty of Burton’s truly atrocious, but fucking hilarious credit score had worn off and the reality of her troublesome financial situation set in, Rick asked Burton what caused her credit score to sink.
“I only paid my bill late two or seven months in a row, and I never go over my credit limit unless it’s an absolute emergency – except for that time I bought the whole bar tequila shots on Veronica’s birthday,” Burton said. “So it’s really a mystery how this happened.”
“That’s not tight at all, man. No bank will ever approve you for a loan, so you’ll probably never own your own home.” Rick said somberly. “But still…420…Blaze it.”
The meeting went on for some time, with Rick strongly urging Burton to stop thinking of her credit card as “infinite money.” Both agree that while it will definitely be a problem in the future when Burton can’t get a car, apartment, cell phone contract, or another fucking credit card, for right now, it’s freakin’ sick that her credit score is 420.
“Your adulting game is weak as hell, bro.” Rick sighed as he read a credit card statement longer than a CVS receipt.
“Oh, just WAIT until I tell you what my blood pressure is!” Burton said coyly. Then, she mouthed “69 over 69,” and winked. The pair laughed and laughed, pointing finger guns at each other.
Damn, Ellie! You’re an absolute beast who should, like, seriously be dead right now!
