Summer is here and you know what that means: It’s time to show off those legs! Unfortunately, according to Instagram, it also means that Shannon’s gotten yet another atrocious haircut, despite your many attempts to dissuade her. Luckily, we’ve compiled a list of killer leg exercises that will tone you up while also keeping your mind off of Shannon’s huge, hairy mistake.
Squats
Position your feet shoulder width apart and place your hands behind your head. When you feel the hair on your own head, you may be tempted to wonder aloud why Shannon would ever attempt a long bob right when the weather is heating up. Resist. Slowly move your butt back and focus on bending deeply so that you can keep images of Shannon struggling with a flat iron out of your mind.
Side Leg Kicks
Lie on your side with your legs stacked and your head propped in your hand. Before you begin to kick your top leg up, clear all mental pictures of Shannon’s 2013 bangs fiasco from your mind. As you lower your leg back down, exhale and maybe try and recite the alphabet backwards to drown out the echo of your own voice saying, “Just get a trim!” God, Shannon, why?
Butt Raises
Speaking of raising, why didn’t Shannon’s mother raise her to value herself enough to not follow every unflattering trend that comes her way? But back to your rockin’ gams. Lie on your back with your knees bent and feet flat. Extend one leg at a time while squeezing your glutes and lifting your hips, then lower. Lower almost as low as your expectations for the bullshit scissor-happy Shannon is going to pull next summer.
Curtsy Lunges
This move requires a lot of balance and precision, two things Shannon’s stylist clearly hasn’t mastered. Stand with your feet hip-width apart and step one foot diagonally behind the other. Bend both knees so you’re in a lunge stance and then return to standing, making sure to keep breathing—something that will come in handy when you have to come face to face with Shannon’s dumb hair at drinks tomorrow.
Downward Dog Lift
This is a fun twist on a classic move, whereas Shannon’s hair somehow manages to be neither classic nor fun. Begin in a downward dog, then raise and lower one leg at a time. This move works your hamstrings, but not your nerves—oh no, that’s what Shannon’s obsession choppy layers is for.
So there you have it! These go-to moves will keep you so focused on working up a sweat, you’ll barely have time to think up a super snide comment to post on Shannon’s new Facebook status! Happy exercising!
