Does exchanging gifts means you’re officially together? Is he getting a present for any other women? If you have no idea what the fuck is going on between you and that guy you’ve been seeing for two months, let him know you don’t need a label—with these great gift labels!
“To: Brad! From: [Leave This Blank]”
Keep the mystery alive by letting him know this gift is for him, but from whom? The Secret Santa approach tells him you don’t need any sort of acknowledgment for your generosity because you’re that chill. Plus, if he assumes it’s from someone else, you can get a head start on being the dumper, not the dumpee. It’s cunningly chill!
“Hey.”
Writing “Hey” with a period on the gift tag says that while you thought of him enough to purchase something, the meaning behind this present is equivalent to an everyday text message that you know he read at 12:45 AM but still hasn’t responded to. He’ll be so into your laid-back attitude.
“This is a present that is for you. I bought it.”
You’ve both discussed how refreshing it is that you’re honest with each other’s expectations. Rather, that he has no expectations at all and you’re chill enough to just stay quiet about yours. The “Just Stating Facts” label is a surefire way to get the point across that this is a present for him and you bought it and that’s it.
Just a Sticker With a Snowman On It
A seasonal stock image will take the “a picture says a thousand words” idea to a new level. The snowman, made of trillions of unique snowflakes, says, “I have taken something special and packed it into a conforming, man-shaped shape.” The watermark says, “Licensing this photo would have been a poor use of money.” If you want to overachieve, choose the snowman emoji, which will add, “This gift, like our casual fling, lacks so much communication it is essentially just sex + hieroglyphics.”
A Hole-Punched Label Without a String
Unlike your clingy female things like “tampons,” the ultimate “No Strings Attached” label makes it clear you are neither friends nor receiving any benefits. This is just a string-free situation. IMPORTANT: If there are any strings on the gift itself, as in the ends of a rug, make sure to snip them off right in front of his face. You said “No Strings Attached,” and by God, you meant it.
No Label at All
An unwrapped, blank gift makes it known that this holiday treat is a metaphor for your relationship: It is naked and it doesn’t have a label. Super chill.
Choose any of these labels and you’ll be on your way to at least two more months of confusion before either one of you can ask, “Wait. What are we?”
