All those hardcore beauty mavens aren’t fooling anyone with their “no makeup” selfies. Everyone can tell you they still like wearing makeup on occasion; they’re just trying to get away with it without anyone knowing! Prove that you can’t fucking stand makeup with these expert makeup-resenting, bold looks that just happen to require makeup:
A Bold Red Lip Drawn into an Exaggerated Frowny Face
You just bought a 10” sub that you can’t wait to sink your teeth into, except ugh, it’ll mess up your lipstick. Lipstick always gets in the way of your favorite activities, so why does society require us to wear it? If you want the look of a classic red lip, but with a style that reflects that you don’t believe in makeup, start by applying product to your upper and lower lip; then, extend your lip line on both sides, going beyond your lips and downward in a gradual slope. Great! Now when you leave lipstick prints everywhere, people will know it bums you out, too.
“Fuck This” Contouring
2015 is the year it became unacceptable to just have a face. Modern beauty standards dictate that you should have a series of contoured makeup angles that are meticulously arranged into face-like features instead of just going with the actual face that’s already there. To get this look, pick out the perfect shade of bronzer and highlighter for your skin tone, and stand in front of a mirror to mark the appropriate regions where you’d typically start contouring. Then, imagine you and the mirror are melting, like in a Salvador Dali painting. Contour your “fuck-this-shit sideways melting face” accordingly. Perfect! You look like someone just asked you to “put on a little bronzer at least, for the pictures” and you’ve passive-aggressively complied.
A Cat Eye Drawn by an Actual Cat
Going out with unlined lids just isn’t an option when you’ve been conditioned to believe your eyes aren’t “bold enough” on their own and need to “pop.” But on the other hand, you’ve already watched hours of YouTube videos promising the steps to the perfect cat eye, and you still can’t get it right. Doesn’t that piss you off? Of course it does! What steady-handed jerk made this look popular in the first place? Fuck it. Call your cat over. No, he doesn’t have opposable thumbs to actually hold the eyeliner, but “cat” is right in the name of this look, so he has a leg up on you, right? Open all your eye makeup and scatter it on your living room floor, then give your cat a hefty dusting of catnip and let him go to town on your face.
And there you have it: Wear all three looks together, and you have the perfect “I hate makeup” makeup look! Boy, do you look angry—but still beautiful!
