So you’ve been dumped, and you’re a total wreck. Well, who can blame you? In times like these it’s important to remember that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel—and that light is inspirational quotes to cling onto with terrifying fervor. It’s easy to move on with quotes that seem made just for you because you just made them for you:
“BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST THAN TO BE LIKE DAN, WHO’S NEVER GOING TO BE SATISFIED.”
This beautiful quote reminds us that things could be worse. You could be a total a-hole perfectionist who is a demanding partner and bad listener who flosses at the table. But you’re not. You’re flawed and beautiful, just like this quote.
“THE HEART NEEDS TO FEEL, SO GOOD LUCK DAN, YOU HEARTLESS ROBOT BASTARD MOTHERFUCKER.”
This classic quote teaches that deep feelings are what life is all about and you shouldn’t regret telling Dan you loved him after only one month! Dan and his unfeeling heart can shrivel up and die and guess what? You’re not going to go to his funeral. Fuck Dan. Stop thinking about how you’re going to miss fucking Dan.
“DON’T CRY BECAUSE IT’S OVER, SMILE BECAUSE DAN HAD A SMALL DICK.”
This quote is a timeless favorite, that should be tattooed on many a brokenhearted girl’s rib cage. It means that Dan’s penis was small and thin and he made a weird noise when he came and even though it was good for you at the time, it’s NOT going to be good for other women, so good luck to Dan and his tiny mini dick, hope the next woman mashes it to a pulp!
“WHEN ONE DOOR CLOSES, LOCK IT, BECAUSE DAN IS PROBABLY HAVING SEX WITH ANOTHER WOMAN BEHIND IT.”
Fuck, ignore this one. This quote is garbage. Shit.
“LIFE GOES ON, EXCEPT FOR DAN IF SOMETHING AWFUL WERE TO HAPPEN TO HIM, FOR EXAMPLE IF HE WAS PUSHED IN FRONT OF A TRAIN SAD BUT HONESTLY HE DESERVED IT AND NOW NO ONE GETS TO BE WITH DAN.”
Truly a favorite quote that alludes to the relentless pace of life. People move on and lives trudge forward, unless life is tragically (or not tragically) clipped short. This quote is great for when you’re not feeling in control of your own life, because HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HATE AND MISS SOMEONE SIMULTANEOUSLY? IT’S BETTER IF THEY’RE DEAD RIGHT? RIGHT???
You’re going to get through this. It’s easy—just Instagram or mutter these to yourself in a dark room until it doesn’t hurt anymore.