In a developing story out of Brooklyn, NY, we asked fashion blogger Martina Wilson where she got her stylish new flare jeans, and she said, “Down by the shire, where the sky meets the sea.”
When we asked which shire, she continued, “Oh, you know. The shire down the way, where the smokestacks billow and the earth sings softly. You’ve probably never heard of it.”
Okay, vague much? Let us know where you got them!
One might think a fashion blogger would be eager to share her finds with her followers, but Martina insists that the members of this shire are “super private about their location” and “really don’t like it when people buy their stuff.”
One user commented “OMG! Jeans from the shire!! Is this the one on 5th street?” but Wilson conspicuously deleted it.
Stop hiding your shires, Martina!
“Listen, these aren’t just any jeans,” Martina says. “To even enter the shire, I had to answer the Shire Troll’s riddles three, and two of those riddles required trigonometry. So I don’t think you guys are going to be able to find them.”
Martina later posted a Youtube video entitled “MORE PANTS FROM THE SHIRE!!” in which she bleeped out every mention of the location.
“She clearly wrote and edited the video,” said viewer Mitra Vuthandan, “so she could’ve just not said where the shire was, you know? Weird that she consciously chose to bleep it out.”
Martina immediately released a second video titled “SHIRE LOCATION REVEAL” in which she spent thirty minutes crying about not feeling comfortable revealing the location.
Responding to viewers’ calls for transparency, Martina said, “Just take my word for it that the shire is real: the sun hangs low over pristine clouds, and no one is ever sad :)”
The next time we tried to contact Martina, she replied that she needed time to decompress “re: all the shire stuff” and asked us to “respect my privacy and the privacy of the shire at which I bought these gorgeous vintage jeans, which I am currently selling on Depop.”
At press time, we noticed a tag on the back of the jeans that confirms the “shire” is actually just a Zara. Nice try, Martina!