Stressed about finding a beautiful outfit to squeeze into for an upcoming wedding? Outgrown your favorite little black dress? Sometimes the most attractive thing one can do is admit defeat. So: fuck it! Here’s a guide to wearing yoga pants to even the fanciest weddings.
Black Tie:
It’s risky, but a pair of black yoga pants and stunning heels can fit right in at a black tie affair. It’s all in your body language. For example, if someone calls you out on dress code breach, just make direct eye contact, start crying and mouth “Please.” They won’t bother you anymore!
Formal:
Dazzle them in a pair of high-class yoga pants. You’ll want to splurge on a fancy pair just for the occasion with a brand like Lululemon. But if you don’t have time to shop, FUCK IT. Any yoga pant will work. Maybe wear earrings.
Semi-Formal:
This dress code is basically tacit permission to wear yoga pants. Just make sure they are freshly washed. Or don’t! Nobody can boss you around! Consider putting your hair up and maybe flirt with the catering staff.
Cocktail Attire:
If the idea of fitting into a cocktail dress drives you to drink, then fuck it – just wear the yoga pants you are already wearing, slap on some lipstick and dance the night away with confidence. Out of lipstick? Drink a bunch of red wine until your mouth is stained, or smear some wedding cake frosting on your lips.
Garden Wedding:
Capri-length yoga pants are perfect for an adorable retro look at outdoor weddings. Pair them with a beautifully fitted floral top, or whatever sweatshirt’s laying in the backseat of your car if it gets cold.
So, next time the dress code for a wedding has you worried, just remember the thing you say to yourself every other day of the week: “Fuck it, I’ll just wear yoga pants.”
