Normandy native and 96-year-old grandmother Claudette Dubois made a startling discovery while taking a shower last week, finding sand that had been stuck in her vagina from D-Day.
“I was washing down there and then all of a sudden, I felt this gritty texture. I knew exactly what it was,” Dubois said, posing proudly with the small vile of sediment. “It was the exact same beach sand that was stuck in my vagina from D-Day. You really can never get rid of that stuff.”
Most artifacts collected from that fateful day are more weapon-like in nature: rocket launchers, mortar shells, and tactical knives. But experts agreed—what Dubois scraped out of her pussy flaps was something that truly never goes away.
“The Allied forces liberated thousands of people that day,” said Jules LeBeau, Professor of Military History at the University of Paris. “But they couldn’t liberate Madame Dubois from years of labial chafing after a rousing day on the beach.”
On June 6th 1944, Dubois and her gal pals were enjoying a nice summer afternoon on the now infamous Omaha Beach. She admits they stuck around for a bit even after the invasion began. “Sure, it was loud. But we knew we were witnessing something historic.”
And while the Western forces were invading the beaches, the sand was invading this Grannie’s nooks and crannies.
Even her husband was surprised to hear the news.
“Considering how uptight she can be, I’m surprised the sand hasn’t turned to glass by now,” Gérald Dubois said.
The scientists who examined the sand were just as dumbstruck. “Over the decades, we’ve received plenty of false reports,” stated forensic expert Dr. Lucien Fournier. “But this was the real deal—this sand is definitely from Omaha beach, and no amount of scrubbing is going to get rid of it completely.”
“When we analyzed the sample under the microscope, we noticed that the particles were stained with the blood of soldiers,” Fournier stated, pausing for a moment. “Though perhaps it was menstrual blood. Either way, still pretty cool.”
When asked about her grandmother’s miraculous discovery, 16-year old granddaughter Véronique Dubois went on record saying, “Ew, gross! I don’t want to hear about that. Why would you tell me that?”