You’re fed up with your guy’s vile, musky bed sheets, but he “doesn’t see the issue.” Nothing’s worse than being a nag––except for being wrapped in his sweat and sex-stained sheets that haven’t been washed in three months! Here are some foods to “accidentally” spill in his bed so that he finally washes his sheets!
Homefries
Prepare a romantic breakfast…in bed! He’ll be thrilled, and so will you after you drop a few greasy, ketchup-drenched potatoes on the side he sleeps on. If you’re feeling ambitious, add a few drops of tabasco sauce to the mix before you spill. Uh-oh, looks like its laundry time! Please, let it be laundry time.
Fruit Smoothie
Put that Kitchenaid blender to use and surprise your boo with a post-workout smoothie! Make sure to use dark fruits like blueberries and blackberries so that he can’t ignore the cold, wet stain you’re planning to engineer. A ¼ cup “oopsie” should be more than enough to get those sheets landed in the black garbage bag he considers a hamper.
Chicken Tikka Masala
Nothing stains and spills better than a loose tomato cream sauce heavy with spices. Indian takeout plus Netflix equals a recipe for an unavoidable mess that will lead to crisp, laundered linens in no time! Any amount of spillage is sufficient to get this guy to tear that contour sheet right off. Just make sure he doesn’t fall asleep on the bare mattress again.
Polynesian Cocktail
You might as well make your coercive tactics fun, so why not host a little cocktail night for just the two of you? Choose vibrant concoctions that call for grenadine or blue curacao, like a blue Hawaiian or planter’s punch. A 4 oz. spill in the center of the mattress will be an undeniable reason for him to at least drop his load off at the ‘mat!
LAST RESORT: Chocolate Lava Cake
This decadent dessert is a last resort for when your guy hasn’t responded to your efforts to make his bed an unlivable food cesspool. The gooey chocolate insides work best if you spill droplets on different parts of the bed—and don’t forget his pillowcase! Maybe he’ll even call a laundry service to come pick up his soiled sack!
Follow these suggestions and you’ll be snuggling up in clean sheets before you know it. Next step… his never-washed duvet cover!
