Food Delivery Hacks to Have Your Order Brought Directly into Your Gaping Maw

Nummies - Reductress

Do you love ordering from your favorite pizza place? Is your mouth a yawning abyss into which you want food endlessly slung? Try these out these life-changing hacks to shove that food delivery straight into your drooling, greedy snout in record time.


Rack up the points!

Food delivery services want your business and will thank you big time for your loyalty. Order from restaurants that offer rewards for frequent customers, so that you can save money while flinging fast food directly into your cavernous yapper at an even more frenetic pace—falling, ever-falling, deep into your tremendous, unknown depths. Cool hack!


Make it Personal

You may think of your delivery person as another impediment in shoving food straight into your salivating carb-hole, but they might go the extra mile if you show them you care. Offering a kind word, sending a friendly text, and complimenting their hands that so deftly cradle your cherished takeout says, “You are not my enemy, you are the giver of the food I shove into my cavernous maw.” You might even get a free soda!



Invite the Gals

Restaurants profit from bigger orders to a single address, and so may be willing to go the extra mile when you order as a group, and will think you’re far less unusual for ordering the steaming pile of bacon sliders you will face-fuck after everybody leaves. Unhinge your jaw and let ladies’ night begin!


Tech it Out

Online ordering is a social activity if you do it right! Make use of the comments section, where you can type “P.O. Box: my filthy gullet” to let them know your gobble gap is open for business. Then you’re one step closer to having your food pumped right into your disgusting tongue-hole.


With just a little extra communication, you might even have your order conveniently lubed up and slid down your throat. Delish