Existential Crisis Now Factored Into Morning Routine

Queens resident Tanya Greene has taken an inventive lifestyle approach to address the growing stress and morning anxiety she’s been feeling: She simply incorporates her daily existential crisis into her morning routine.


“At first I would be mildly surprised at how shitty I felt every morning, and it would throw everything off,” Greene explained. “It was so hard to predict, sometimes I would be late for work, sometimes I’d start crying over the coffee, and other times I’d feel immobilized looking at my phone in bed. But ever since I put it on my morning to-do list, the existential dread is far less stressful, and sometimes even welcome.”


Greene has since incorporated her daily existential crisis by waking up slightly earlier and squeezing in a solid 15 minutes to lose her shit right after her morning coffee, and before her shower.


“Sometimes it takes a bit longer and I have to cry in the shower, but that’s all good,” Greene added.


The change in Tanya’s routine has not gone unnoticed to her partner, Megan Yates.



“At first I thought it was weird to schedule in a freak-out time, but I think it’s really helped her with compartmentalizing everything. Before that, she’d just start crying while she was making eggs, and really ruin the eggs.”


At press time, Tanya had just checked the time, said, “It’s 9:30,” and then excused herself to have her daily crisis.