According to sources present, 28-year-old Carrie Borstein was subjected to much teasing and humiliation for her musical tastes at a casual get-together with friends tonight, even after they forcefully insisted that she be in charge of the Spotify.
“It was very frustrating,” Carrie tells us of the unpleasant ordeal. “They quite literally made me be in charge of the playlist, then mocked me for being in charge of the playlist.”
Though the duty of controlling Spotify had been passed around to a few different people, the task eventually was forced upon Carrie, who proved unwilling.
“They begged me, ‘put something on, Carrie!” Carrie tells us. “I kept being like, no, no, no. Being in charge of the music in an environment like that is a no-win situation. Somebody’s always going to be unhappy about what you choose.”
“And I knew when I finally lamented, it would be even worse because they had already made such a big thing about me being in charge,” Carrie tells us. “Whatever I landed on was bound to get extra scrutiny.”
Carrie’s prediction proved accurate, as her choice of Oxford Comma by Vampire Weekend caused an unprecedented uproar. Reactions ranged from “What year is this, 2008?” to “Wow, I feel like I’m a sophomore in college again.”
“I was trying to take the temperature of the room!” explained Carrie. “They were playing ‘Two Weeks’ by Grizzly Bear earlier! I thought some early aughts indie pop was a safe choice!”
Unfortunately, a safe choice it was not. And sadly, the critics did not go easier on her for any of her follow-ups either.
“I jumped all over the map,” she tells us. “Oldies, modern hits, hip-hop, country. It eventually became clear they were just going to make fun of whatever came on.”
“I’m realizing that I hate my friends,” she added.