Scandalous! Patricia Is Insinuating Her Water Bottle Is Filled With Vodka

An otherwise typical day at the office on Wednesday took a turn for the scandalous after Patricia Woods from marketing suggested that her water bottle was not filled with water, but in fact contained vodka.


The insinuation came after Patricia’s cubicle-mate, Deborah Redding, commented on how long the week had been already.


“I made what I thought was a pretty innocuous comment,” Deborah told us afterward. “I was like, ‘Can you believe it’s only Wednesday? I can’t wait to get home and pop open a bottle of wine tonight.’ But then Patricia took it somewhere nobody was expecting.”


In response to Deborah’s suggestion of craving an alcoholic beverage, Patricia picked up her water bottle, gave it a little shake, and reportedly said “You’re telling me. You think I’ve got water in here?”


“My jaw dropped,” says Tricia Talbot, an office coordinator who was sitting nearby during the exchange. “She never actually said the word ‘vodka’, but it was clear that’s what she was implying.”


The sordid implication ruffled quite a few feathers around the office, sources report.


“I don’t think it’s very funny at all,” says Veronica Maple, a copywriter who sits near the breakroom. “Frankly Patricia is lucky HR hasn’t caught wind of it.”


The insinuation, according to multiple accounts, raised eyebrows for several reasons. First and foremost is the obvious fact of a suggestion of imbibing in illicit beverages while on company hours. Secondly, the idea offended due to the plausible circumstances surrounding it. Vodka is a clear drink, virtually indistinguishable from a bottle of Aquafina.


“She knew exactly what she was saying,” says Robert Trevors, an accountant who frequently works with Patricia. “She wanted us all to think she was drinking at work, which is obviously prohibited. Patricia pushes people’s buttons, she always has.”



While some of Patricia’s coworkers agree with the general sentiment she was expressing, few approve of her unseemly ruse.


“Look, we’d all love to have a drink at work,” says Patty Rockford, a manager on Patricia’s floor. “We all get stressed and would love to unwind with some alcohol out of a plastic bottle. But wanting something and suggesting something as reality are two very different things.”


Whether Patricia will face any fallout for her scandalous remark remains to be seen. What is clear however, is that she is not backing down from her outrageous sense of humor. While on a company lunch to a nearby Mexican restaurant, she responded to the server’s offer of margaritas with “I wish!”


“Shocking,” says Patty.