Is my whiny, dissonant music annoying you? Don’t judge it. This music got me through some really hard times. When I was in high school, feeling rejected by people who didn’t understand my bad taste in clothing, aromatic foods, and yes – music, these songs really resonated with my negative state of mind.
I know at first hear, you’re like “this music sucks,” but try to hear it from where I’m standing – a place where I relate to the badness of it on a lower level.
You like songs that pump you up? I like songs that reaffirm the horrible times I’ve been through, that I’m often still going through in my 30s. Trust me when I say, it’s tough continuing to like this music. People always wanna criticize you and tell you to “stop playing it so loud,” asking “are you seriously still listening to System of a Down?”
This is how you remind me of what I really am. A shameless lover of bad music.
How can I leave behind the tunes that got me through getting held back in physical education due to my refusal to participate and make eye contact? Sorry coach, I had other shit on my mind. Like trying to decide which Evanescence lyrics I’d get tattooed on my arm when I was old enough.
Thanks to all the judgment from people who don’t understand my music, I got the words “I’m so tired of being here” on my left arm the second I turned 18.
So to those of you wondering why I’m still listening to music like The Calling’s “Could it Be Any Harder,” think about how terrible music can get you through a really terrible time. Sometimes grating tunes are the only way to get through the gratingness of the world and the gratingness of your own personality.
No, I can’t move on from this music. It reminds me of a really bad time in my life, a time I want to remember. In 2001, I had an infected brow piercing and a fake boyfriend on LiveJournal. You think I want to just throw those memories and that version of myself away? I still have the piercing and I still have albums for the same reason – celebrating those aggressively annoying parts of my personality got me through some tough times when people just weren’t warming to me.
So yeah, I’m still listening to Papa Roach. Cut my life into pieces, but I’ll still keep listening. This is my last resort.
