A new medical study out of the Johns Hopkins Gynecological Institute has found that skin-to-skin contact does wonders for the physical and emotional development of newborn babies, and also grown women who are just really going through it right now.
“Direct skin-to-skin contact is the most effective technique we have to calm newborn babies dealing with the trauma of birth or adult women who are also still kind of dealing with the trauma of birth,” said pediatric expert Dr. Rima Singh. “Turns out the trauma of birth really sticks with you for a while.”
Dr. Singh’s team say a prolonged 30-minute session of holding your newborn or your grown woman who is “just tired of all this shit, you know?” can stimulate important parts of the brain.
“A little back rub while your little one or big one lays on your chest really gets the oxytocin flowing,” Dr. Singh continued. “This is important for brain development or helping your adult woman decompress after a stressful situation, like if she had to confront someone at work or go grocery shopping earlier even though she forgot her reusable bag at home again.”
Scientists confirm if your adult woman is really going through it right now, it could be good to go as far as letting her sleep on your chest.
“Don’t do this for babies, though,” Dr. Singh warned. “We want to avoid SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). SIDS isn’t a problem for adults because it’s actually going to take a lot more to kill a 30-year-old woman.”
Adult women are trying this method in droves, and the results speak for themselves.
“I got lightly reprimanded today for taking too long to respond to work emails, and I thought it was going to push me over the edge,” said local grown woman Margaret Keens. “It totally did, but then I came home, took off my shirt, and had some prolonged ‘skin-to-skin’ with my girlfriend. It made me realize everything was going to be okay. I should just quit my job, move sectors, and pursue another career trajectory entirely!”
As a slight warning, Dr. Singh said to make sure you’re supporting your newborn or adult woman’s head while you do this, as there is a slight risk of neck injury otherwise.
“She went super limp the second I placed her on my chest,” said Margaret’s girlfriend, Winona Li. “It really knocked her out, mouth open and everything. Thanks, science!”
